Help!!

I guess I am going to explode. You know, when you shake a bottle of beer, and then you open it and it just explodes and comes out all fizzling and hissing? That’s how I feel.

Basically I am not the one who keeps everything to myself. I either have to let it out, or somehow I fear I shall explode like an over-blown balloon.

But lately, the thing is, I don’t exactly know WHAT is troubling me.

I feel so distant from people, alternately dull, and hell, facing a lot of abhorrent mood swings. Like, I am bloody happy for a second, and feel like I shall actually survive the day.. and then BAM! It’s either my hormones deciding to go bonkers, or my PMS, or the people around me (I have no idea which), I feel so f**king broken and disturbed. Crap. I have no idea what’s going on.

I haven’t been feeling myself. I’m not the one who broods and worries about the same stuff for hours, because I force myself to find a solution. But how can you find a solution if you do not know the root of your worry? I thought letting out tears would help me. Huh. No way, not even close. I didn’t even get the tears, let alone the reason why I was supposed to be crying.

My emotions have been dimmer; I don’t know how to react much any more; I haven’t been feeling things as strongly and can’t express that. and added to this comes my stupid and extremely annoying younger brother. He’s been taking a lot of my things without my permission and NOT returning them back at all. And by the way? Although he can put on the cutest and the most-innocent-of-all expression to deceive you, he’s just a couple of years (and a half) younger to me, and Not. That. Innocent. Mind it.

And my friends? The hell I DO NOT know what is seriously wrong with them, but it looks like almost the ENTIRE grade is oh-so-obsessed with posting selfies in their social accounts. ((Urgh. They’re so edited, photo-shopped, fake and pretty much alike, (because they shamelessly copy each other’s poses and such. And of course they’re edited), that they sometimes make you sick. And the captions. God. Who do you think you are? Selena Gomez?!))

Well, I was in it, at first, till I realized I totally had to live and breathe selfies and fake-candids to keep up! Things are out of hand, because it looks as though people would kill to have more followers!!

I am so glad I found about blogging, at the right time. But then, I DO NOT know a single blogger in my grade. (To be honest, I am so happy about that. Because there is no way, I am letting people bombard in, and make this a fake-place too) and people look at me, as though I’m an alien to not post selfies with them. Ew ew ew.

Well, you get it. You so cannot talk about your crisis with such self-obsessed people. Personally, I don’t think its wrong on my part, if I have distanced myself from them, because forgetting sleep and homework to get followers is NOT MY THING.

Well, in that way, I slowly did come out of it. But there it started again, when everyone would gossip about the boys and girls on Instagram and Facebook and the updates, and I would remain clueless. My friends started to think I was becoming arrogant for refusing to be like them.

That’s pretty much how things are right now. I’m not lonely. I do have good friends and I find lots of people very friendly and such. But there is this inexplicable gap that sometimes becomes very vivid, at times.

I do find myself going crazy. And lately, I’ve been feeling that way more often. I also have this irrevocable feeling of “Not Being Good Enough” that pretty much drives me nuts. And my mom’s constant advice, to be a mature and responsible girl with duties, is not helping.

I had no idea where to go with this. And I got the brainstorm moment, a few minutes ago when I decided to let you people know about it. Over the time, I’ve met a lot of lovely people here, which I had no idea I would. And I am so grateful for that. ❤

I hope you don’t mind me writing about this; because I really really need your help. I promise I will be back to myself the next time. Summer is on its way, and I thought I was going to make the most out of it. And I am determined to.

I promise I’ll be back to being myself the next time, and post a lot of nice things. But if any of you have gone through something like this, and you have tips on how to face it, pleassseee let me know. I do need someone, and it would be of such a big help if I could get to hear from you. Please?

Xoxo

Trying to be Me.

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There'll be HAters, dOubters, nOn-beliEvers.. And then there'll be YoU.. ProVing them WRoNg..

17 thoughts on “Help!!

  1. Sorry that you are feeling so unsettled. 🙂 I do remember being a teenager and feeling antsy and discontent and like I needed to DO something or I was going to explode. Perhaps it’s spring fever? I’m so glad you aren’t self(ie)-absorbed. It is a stage of life, I suppose, but taking pictures of yourself isn’t going to bring true contentment and in a few years it will only bring eye-rolls. My only advice is that this mood will probably pass. Take a breath, smile, and do something you enjoy. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Gosh, you are so RIGHT!! And spring fever? Haha, I don’t know about that. Lol. And thank you soo muchh for your very very kind words. They mean so much to me. ❤

      Liked by 1 person

    1. Oh thank you for understanding!! Reading that poem again, definitely helped me, and yess it is absolutely relatable! Especially the thing about how people put on their fake smiles and get ready for fake photos. You did an amazing job with the selection.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. You know, it is a good thing to know your own mind. Most people go through their life not knowing theirs. So I say celebrate that and go a little easy on your self. Just sit back and read your pile of books. They are going to take you into worlds far apart from yours…not a terrible thought at all 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Oh God, thank you so so much for the kind words! ❤ And yessss you are absolutely right about the books!! (I get cheered up at the name of them. Ha) Whoa, why didn't I sink into them earlier? Thanks so much! I sure am going to retire into them!
      Xoxo

      Liked by 1 person

  3. I love how you’re able to bare your feelings honestly. I honestly relate with this so much, but unfortunately I can never write it. Why? because I do have people from my school following my blog and they know exactly who I am. Sure, they’re the type to shun self obsessed people but that feels just as fake because they don’t really care. They don’t really care what I say or do unless its worth gossiping about. Sometimes it makes me wish I could delete my blog but seeing someone like you facing their problems and not giving up really gives me strength. Its amazing knowing that I’m not alone.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Oh God, this absolutely touched me soo deep and I was OVERCOME with a set of mixed emotions, it took hours to calm myself. ❤ I am dead serious. And the thing about being fake- goodness that’s exactly how it is. I sometimes don’t understand what they actually care about. And I just cannot believe this, because I started questioning myself- whether there was something wrong with me for thinking this way. I was speechless when I read your comment. I was overjoyed to see you agreeing straight-down that you hate it. That is great, right? You are true, and you haven’t forced yourself to be like them. That is incredible, and strong. And I guess you can’t ask people to think the way we want them to. And about your blog? Don’t you EVER talk about deleting it. You should be proud because you write as beautiful as hell. I love the way you conjure things and put it into words. And again, thankss a million for your words. They mean a world to me. ❤

      Liked by 1 person

    1. I know right. But I guess we should be ourselves, no matter what. What is the use of not living YOU in your life? And others would also see through you right away. And you’re blog is great. ☺ Thanks for reading. ❤
      Xoxo

      Liked by 1 person

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