I bet I am the worst daughter, considering the fact that I only realized about the 15th of May being “Mothers’ Day”, only around noon.
How brainless. How dumb and inconsiderate of me.
I wanted to do something special; only that I failed. I then decided I would take care of atleast part of my mom’s work, and made her take time off to watch a nice movie. Atleast I could subdue a part of my guilt.
I’ve never been much of an expressive person, how much ever I wished I was. There are a million things I’ve always wanted to tell her, but never could.
Here’s a letter to my Mom, my attempt at trying to gather the courage to tell her everything I’ve EVER wanted to, since day one. There’s only so much I can bottle up and it took a lot of self-convincing to make myself write this.
I’ve always wished with my all my life, I had been born sooner. But I guess, life has its own way of working out. And I am glad you got all the happiness at the right time. (I hope☺).
I wish I remembered more – the way I came, saw and conquered, as the first baby in the family always does. But nevertheless, I can picture it vividly in my head -I can see the light-coloured walls and the warm quilt covering you. I can picture and cherish the happiness you felt, when you first took me tenderly in your arms; your warm hands trying to soothe me. Your eyes lighting up, and your face erupting into an unsurpassable happiness, after all the pain you went through. I am glad I caught your lips spreading into the most beautiful smile the world has seen. I can see you losing all your worries, letting out a sigh. I hope I was a little sun that, in a magical way, brought warmth, light and happiness in your life.
It’s almost been fifteen years since that happened, and now I have grown up. But the love hasn’t faded. It’s as deep and true as your existence. Your deep eyes shine when you look at me, your hands holding onto me like I mean the world to you. But today, I want you to know that you mean much more to me. Much more than the entire universe put together.
I can imagine your elation as I slowly started to get up, turn around and walk. They tell me I walked when I was a year old. I can picture you running for the camera, and taking pictures of my baby-self, and laughing like you’d never seen the sun for years. I love you Mommy. And I will love you for a zillion more years, to the end of infinity and back.
You gave me a life, and never once asked for anything in return. You always give me everything you can, taking care of me more than you care for yourself. You always and always and always think about us, no matter what. Is there a love greater than this? I bet not.
Thanks for being with me ALWAYS no matter what. Thanks for being a constant source of support through all my bad days. Thanks for stepping in front of me, when I faced terrible days. Thanks for all the simply amaazinng food you cook. Thanks for making me believe the world isn’t as bad as it looks. Thanks for letting me know you’ll always be there.
I could go on thanking you for a million other things, and it wouldn’t be enough. It never would be enough. Hell, I could bring down the skies for you and it wouldn’t be enough.
A few things you haven’t told us? – You love me more than yourself. You watch me sleep, and smile to yourself, thanking God all the same. Every time you see us upset, your heart sinks. You smile knowing I’m your kid. No matter what, you never regret having us. You think I am one in a million. You scold me, knowing that if you don’t, I’ll never learn the lesson – even though it upsets every inch of you to do so. You always believe in me. And that is the best thing to have ever happened in my life.
You are as constant as the sunrise, and I know I can count on you. You may have a few ripped edges, but you are a masterpiece in every form. We may not have the best of days always. We may not agree with each other always. On your bad days, harsh words do come from you and hit me in every direction. But that is okay. None of it ever comes any closer to make me love you any less.
I cannot possibly imagine the thought of anything happening to you, even in my wildest dreams. I have cried several nights at the mere thought of you being unhappy. I burn and blaze when anyone comes any closer to cause you harm. My heart tears and bleeds when I see you cry. There are billions of words in the dictionary and thousands of languages in this world, and I cannot possible string enough words to say how much you mean to me.
I am happy. Because of you and dad; because of all the things you’ve done for me; and simply because of your existence. You’re the sunshine to my shades of gray.
I hope you perceive the emotion that hides beneath every word I write, because although I have tried, I’d never to be able to tell you this, because, know why? Words fall short. And I know I don’t have to tell you the three magical words to let you know that I love you with every atom of my body.
Me ❤ ❤