The heart wants to be free, and it always wins, no matter what the mind screams. Did you realise that?
Your mind might scream not to open your phone during revision time, but the heart wants to check that one message, that the person you love has sent. It’s sad, but it’s true.
Your mind might ask you to sit down for revision because there’s hardly any time left, but your heart desperately wants to finish that one piece of poetry that you’ve been working on for hours.
The heart makes us do irrational things, but *sigh*, it’s the sad truth. I’m having a hugee dilemma over here, because I’ve got no idea whatsoever about what I’m going to be doing after school.
I know it’s probably a little early to think about that, but everyone seems have some idea. I do too, but I’m not sure because I’m scared.
I’ve got around 2 or 3 options for myself, but they’re so contrasting and lovely, that it pretty much drives me nuts. The majority of my doubts are at whether I should choose Biology for my Highers or not. (Pleasee, I’m falling all over you. HELP ME!)
My mind tells me I should, because both my parents are huge doctors. Almost my entire family is made up of doctors. Most of my cousins are Med-students. So I am pretty much sure that if I take Biology, I’ll have a good chance of getting into a proper university.
Things don’t work out that easily.
My heart just isn’t there. Sadly, it is with Maths. I can’t simply leave Maths. I may not score a centum on my paper all the time, but I love doing it so much. And Physics fascinates me like hell.
But what about the odds?
And sure my parents are willing to let me do whatever I want. They’re incredibly lovely and supportive, but deep down I know both of them want me to take Biology and settle in with the ‘class’.
This has been affecting me really deep, since another discussion popped up in my house about whether I should go to the United States, for college. And for that, I’ll need to coach myself from right this minute, because I’ll have to take the SAT exam this year. Like what?! No I’m not ready for that now.
I had several meltdowns over this matter, since last November. I cried many times because I was so fucking scared. I even broke down in front of my parents which I completely regret now. (I feel really guilty, because my tears baffled them and they looked so lost and sad. That was THE LAST thing I ever wanted.)
See? So I’m not really sure. I can’t even stand strong on my decisions. I get fits of emotions and get panicky whenever I even think about it.
Also, I can’t really sit down, let it go and let things work on their own, because one thing I’ve really learnt is that, they bloody don’t work that way.
After spending hours and weeks together, pondering over this, I short-listed everything.
The conflict is now between the mind and the heart.
The heart is weak and vulnerable to breaks. But it is the thing that drives you anywhere you want. The mind is logical. It stops you from going all over yourself and being stupid.
So what to do? Easy. Let them co-ordinate. But how do I do that?
Should I take Biology and keep Maths as a side-stream, or take Maths and keep Biology and research stuff side-stream? (Although I’m a little sure that the first case doesn’t work out that easily.)
PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE HELP ME.
THIS IS ONE OF THE BIGGEST HELP I CAN EVER ASK FOR.