HELP, I’m Having a Breakdown

The heart wants to be free, and it always wins, no matter what the mind screams. Did you realise that?

Your mind might scream not to open your phone during revision time, but the heart wants to check that one message, that the person you love has sent. It’s sad, but it’s true.

Your mind might ask you to sit down for revision because there’s hardly any time left, but your heart desperately wants to finish that one piece of poetry that you’ve been working on for hours.

The heart makes us do irrational things, but *sigh*, it’s the sad truth. I’m having a hugee dilemma over here, because I’ve got no idea whatsoever about what I’m going to be doing after school.

I know it’s probably a little early to think about that, but everyone seems have some idea. I do too, but I’m not sure because I’m scared.

I’ve got around 2 or 3 options for myself, but they’re so contrasting and lovely, that it pretty much drives me nuts. The majority of my doubts are at whether I should choose Biology for my Highers or not. (Pleasee, I’m falling all over you. HELP ME!)

My mind tells me I should, because both my parents are huge doctors. Almost my entire family is made up of doctors. Most of my cousins are Med-students. So I am pretty much sure that if I take Biology, I’ll have a good chance of getting into a proper university.

But?!

Things don’t work out that easily.

My heart just isn’t there. Sadly, it is with Maths. I can’t simply leave Maths. I may not score a centum on my paper all the time, but I love doing it so much. And Physics fascinates me like hell.

But what about the odds?

And sure my parents are willing to let me do whatever I want. They’re incredibly lovely and supportive, but deep down I know both of them want me to take Biology and settle in with the ‘class’.

This has been affecting me really deep, since another discussion popped up in my house about whether I should go to the United States, for college. And for that, I’ll need to coach myself from right this minute, because I’ll have to take the SAT exam this year. Like what?! No I’m not ready for that now.

I had several meltdowns over this matter, since last November. I cried many times because I was so fucking scared. I even broke down in front of my parents which I completely regret now. (I feel really guilty, because my tears baffled them and they looked so lost and sad. That was THE LAST thing I ever wanted.)

See? So I’m not really sure. I can’t even stand strong on my decisions. I get fits of emotions and get panicky whenever I even think about it.

Also, I can’t really sit down, let it go and let things work on their own, because one thing I’ve really learnt is that, they bloody don’t work that way.

After spending hours and weeks together, pondering over this, I short-listed everything.

The conflict is now between the mind and the heart.
The heart is weak and vulnerable to breaks. But it is the thing that drives you anywhere you want. The mind is logical. It stops you from going all over yourself and being stupid.

So what to do? Easy. Let them co-ordinate. But how do I do that?

Should I take Biology and keep Maths as a side-stream, or take Maths and keep Biology and research stuff side-stream? (Although I’m a little sure that the first case doesn’t work out that easily.)

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE HELP ME.

THIS IS ONE OF THE BIGGEST HELP I CAN EVER ASK FOR.

With Love,

Me πŸ™‚

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There'll be HAters, dOubters, nOn-beliEvers.. And then there'll be YoU.. ProVing them WRoNg..

50 thoughts on “HELP, I’m Having a Breakdown

  1. Doubt is inherent in our lives. Your dilemma is tough. My only suggestion would be to consider what really lights your life, what would you jump out of bed from sleep to go and do with passion. Disappointing others should not be a factor but always is. I think deep down you know what you want to do but something is holding you back. The only/best way to the other side is through

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Thank you so much for your support. And yes, now that you say it, I think it might be true. I’m so so glad you understood. It means a LOT to me. πŸ™‚β€
      Xxx
      P.S I think you left the last line unfinished? I’m eager/ curious to read that! Thanks. Hugs to you.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Well, from my perspective, you should decide to study what interests you. You’re the one who’ll be studying and eventually working a lifetime in whatever field you pick. It should be something you’ll enjoy. That said, I didn’t have family pressures to do one thing vs. another. But if you follow your instinct, your gut, you’re heart, you’ll rarely regret it. 😊

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank youu. I dont have family pressure either, for which I’m thankful. But I’m just scared. I dont want to disappoint my parents.

      And is that true? That I won’t regret It?
      Xxx

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Bri, if you love maths then go for it! Just because all of your family are doctors it doesn’t mean you have to be. Sometimes it’s good to be different. Who knows, maybe in the future you’ll be happy if you choose biology, perhaps you’ll enjoy it and be glad that’s what you chose. Or you might regret it and feel sad that you never followed your dream. No one can decide this but you. Follow your heart, girl. ❀️❀️❀️ I understand your desire to please your parents, but I’m sure what they want for you even more than following in their footsteps is to be happy and content. They’ll be proud of you no matter what. Sending tons of love! Good luck with your decision! Let me know how it goes. Xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Oh my gosh. You are just a living example of how much words can touch people and move them miles. I think I’m almost in tears, as to how much your comment has lightened me up. (See, you and your blog are definitely a light in the darkness. 😁)
      Thank You for the support. Only I can understand just HOW much it means to me, especially at the moment when I read it. πŸ™‚

      You have just told me something that no one could, in all these months. Do you know what my next post in line was? That I should probably stop blogging. And i think you just made me reconsider that. For which I shall be grateful forever.
      Aaahh. I will Gracie. Thank you for giving me hope. Thank you so so so muchhh.β€πŸ’

      Xxxxxxxxxx❀❀❀

      Liked by 2 people

      1. Bri, I’m trying to think how to respond to this comment. I think you have uplifted me as much as I may have for you. I’m struggling too at the moment with lots of things, partly how to be the light in the darkness I want to be. It makes me so happy that you are encouraged by my words.

        Whether you continue blogging or not is your choice, I for one would be terribly sad to see you go. However, if you feel it’s the right thing for your life at this time, it must be done.

        As always, I wish you all the best and also, you know where I am if you EVER want to talk.

        Loads of love,
        Gracie (your good friend) ❀️❀️❀️❀️❀️❀️❀️❀️❀️❀️❀️❀️❀️❀️❀️❀️❀️❀️❀️❀️❀️❀️❀️❀️❀️❀️❀️

        Liked by 2 people

      2. Ooh wow I’m so glad to hear that. 😁
        And oh Gracie, do do feel free to let it all out, if you want to. I’m right here. It’s the least I can do to help you, after all you’ve done. πŸ™‚ Maybe we can plan out something for real?
        And yes I am! I swear the effect they had on me was massive. Don’t ever let go of that. You’re great. 😁

        I would miss everything here terribly too. But I just felt a bit dejected at that moment because everything felt frustrating then.

        Yes definitely! Thank you and I wish the very best for you too, my friend! ❀
        Lots and lots of love
        Bri ( Your best friend! πŸ˜œπŸ˜†πŸ˜)
        Xxxxxxxxxxxx

        Liked by 2 people

  4. I think you have some good advice here.
    I think you should follow your heart, just as others have said. It is YOUR life. If I was a parent I would be proud to see my daughter following her own path rather than taking the path of least resistance.
    It is a cliche but true that in my case I regret the things I did not do far more than the things I have done.
    Keep blogging too please πŸ™‚

    Liked by 2 people

  5. I resonate with the ‘Help Iam having a breakdown’ title because I am currently sat with six history textbooks splayed around me all coloured in with highlighters and the task of writing my 5000 word coursework in for Monday ahead of me… But I had a quick break to have a read and I had to respong to this. I know it is stereotypical but I feel like a lot of people who have parents that are doctors feel the same way because it is such a hugely pressurised job and they probably feel like you have the potential. But you also have the potential to do anything else in the world! You could completely surprise them and volunteer to build schools in Africa or you could just choose another subject. You are the one that has to get up every day to go to that job and if it’s not for you then you will not thank yourself in later years. Also, I was upset to hear that you felt bad for crying in front of your parents- don’t. If I had to look back on all the times I have had to go to my mum because I’m crying so much I can’t breathe then I would lose count; they’re here to support you as much as anybody else and I hope that you can find solace in them and don’t concentrate on thinking that you’re letting them or any of you family down xx

    Liked by 2 people

    1. THAANK YOU SO MUCHH. Yes, Gosh you understand it so well. You’re hundred percent right. I still can’t shake off my mum’s words in my head, “I can only offer things in a golden plate. Only you can take it.” It’s so scary. Thank youu again for your support, for telling me I’ve got the potential. πŸ™‚πŸ˜I’ve read your comment, like 10 times already and it feels soo good. YOU ARE AWESOME.
      Xxxxx

      Liked by 2 people

      1. No problem, I feel like advice is the one thing I excell at πŸ˜‚ I’m sure you’ll make the right decision for you and even if you’re not ready to make one just yet, then I am sure you have plenty of time to find out what interests you most xxxx

        Liked by 1 person

    1. AWW I LOVE YOUUU… I can’t believe you’ve made me so happyy. ❀❀❀ But I’m technically not that good at writing any stories so I’ll have to reconsider that lol.
      And you should post more too!! I’d love to read them. ❀❀
      Missing you. Xxx

      Liked by 1 person

  6. Learn to listen to the soul within you by occasional meditations, in order to be able to draw from the energy within you, which will guide your choice! Please find time to read the following links
    “Meditation” http://www.jerriperri.com/meditation/
    “Simple Ways To Access The Energy Within” http://www.jerriperri.com/energy/
    “8 Simple Facts About The Choices We make” http://www.jerriperri.com/choices-2/
    “Choices We Make”
    http://www.jerriperri.com/choices/
    “Choosing A Career” http://www.jerriperri.com/choosing-career/
    I hope I am helpful to an extent!

    Like

  7. That is a dilemma. What does your own voice tell you? You could always pursue medicine and if that does not satisfy you, pursue further studies in Maths. Or vice versa. Life does not have to be lived within strict boundaries. All the best. Cheers.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. You are so right about that. πŸ™‚ Wow this offers such a lovely dimension! Trying out both. And just because I choose one, it doesn’t mean I’ll have to be stuck with it forever. WOW THANK YOU SO MUCH. THIS IS LOVELY.
      XXX

      Liked by 1 person

  8. I can totally relate with you. I have just finished my exams so based on that they’ll be deciding my stream for me. I’m hell bent on Science and Math without biology though. And yes! I love math too! I’m just really jumpy about my results now. And yea, even I’ll have to take SATs next year if I’m planning to go to the States, Canada or U.K. so you’re not in on it alone. And from what I have learnt, don’t go after something you don’t want to do. In the end it’s you who will live with it, so make sure its something you enjoy πŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Whoa. Its really scary when you think about it right? Aah. And WOW GLAD TO FIND SOMEONE WITH WHOM I CAN TALK MATHS!! πŸ˜πŸ˜πŸ˜„

      Ah I know. I’m not really sure about the SATs though, because I don’t think ending straight up in some other country just after school is going to be great. Or it may be, Idk. 😜 And we don’t have to take the SAT for Uni-s in the UK. Might I know where you are from? πŸ™‚

      And yes that really makes sense. Thank you so much really. It helps me a lot in getting out of the muddle I’m in. πŸ™‚πŸ™‚
      XxxxπŸ’•

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Yea it is.
        YAS, MATHS!
        Basically anywhere abroad, our school requires us to take SATs and we also require to do extra curricular activities. And about where I am from, I would like to keep that a secret, and maybe when I’m ready to do so, I’ll just do the Revealing my Identity thing that I see few other bloggers do. πŸ™‚
        And I’m happy to help.
        πŸ™‚ πŸ’•

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Ooh I’m not sure then. But I’m pretty clear that the SATs aren’t for the UK. We take our A-Levels and Intermediate Highers for that.

        And oh that is absolutely fine! 😁
        Xxx

        Liked by 1 person

  9. Hey, I understand what it’s like to have an internal was over whether to follow your head or your heart. To that I’d respond usually with β€œdo what you would truly LOVE to do’ but I know, for you, it may not be that simple. Don’t be afraid of disappointing your family because from what you’ve said, they’ll support you and want you to be happy.

    Whatever you decide, just remember that your health and happiness comes first. You are so important – I can’t stress that enough – so do what feels RIGHT to you. That might be following your head or your heart but if something feels wrong, or not quite there, I’d say follow what makes you feel the most internally settled and happy.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. You are awesome; honestly. It’s soo nice to know that you can understand. πŸ™‚

      And thank you because this thing is really stressing me out. I think you’ve given me THE BEST answer because I wasn’t really that sure with the heart and head thing. And whether or not I feel good about it is definitely what I’ll have to consider.

      I can’t say how grateful I am. πŸ™‚ ❀ XXXX

      Liked by 1 person

  10. I took Maths, Biology & Chenistry (dropping German after 1st year); looking back, I wished I’d have mixed it up a little more – at the time, I thought I wanted to be a doctor, but really I had no clue πŸ€·πŸ½β€β™‚οΈ

    Liked by 1 person

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